• Toni

Green Octopus

Updated: May 1


This blog mentions sensitive content on suicide. Readers discretion is advised.

For the record, I am fine.

We all claim to be fine which is often times code for “I have no control over the things I experience and in order to stay afloat with life, I must continue to act as if things are normal.”

We are so performative. We do such a good job at pretending we have things figured out as if we aren’t battling an internal tornado. That our finances are in order in the midst of a pandemic and inflation. We cosplay as healthy human beings while our brains are pumping cortisol at alarming rates, causing incoherence in the mind and body. Right after wiping tears from our eyes, we put that Instagram filter on and flex our over priced apartment that you just received an eviction notice for. Everyone is telling us to disregard love and focus on self, social media is teaching us how to manifest $1,000,000 in one day, and that little voice in your head is asking is this all life has to offer?

As I expand my knowledge, I’ve began to look at suicide differently. We’ve been conditioned to view suicide as a pathology and mental condition. I believe the act of suicide, in many cases, is more about the external world than the internal body. The things humans experience on a day to day are mind blowing, to say the least.

Poverty, homelessness, hunger, sickness, loss, bills, work, toxic relationships, low-self esteem, parenting, lack of basic necessities and recourses, fraudulent government, racism, sexism, classism, ableism, abuse, taxes, and I can go on forever. The average person experiences many of these things daily. And most of these things are preventable. But because money is the priority and the well-being of the people are disregarded, we are to deal with these hurtles while being introduced to new ones daily. Many people don’t even have the luxury of living, but only trying to survive. Could you imagine a life where basic needs are met and are FREE?

Overworked, overstimulated, constant fear mongering, deception, and false hope, who wouldn’t want to escape that nightmare? I get why suicide is a persons lesser of two evils. Because let’s not act like our government isn’t killing us too, and I’m not even talking about the police killings. Between the air, food, skincare products, toothpaste, & global warming, the government is doing a number on our minds and bodies, just in a covert way. This strategy is to keep us well enough to work for the leading companies in the world. Killing us slowly so they can still profit off our work and consumerism.

They’ve done such a great job at conditioning us to believe that the life we are experiencing is better than the unknown of not being on this earth, that we accept this shitty lifestyle. Or that because life is better than it was 300 years ago, we should be happy. In the words of the late John Henrik Clark,

“If you start history at slavery, then everything else afterwards will look like progress.”

It is our brains job to do whatever it is necessary to keep us alive. I think it takes more than a chemical imbalance in the brain to override the sole purpose of the brain.

Here’s a theory, suicide can be a result of an unjust & inhumane societal environment.

Here’s another theory. Suicide awareness and prevention is used to keep more people alive so the government can continue to capitalize and profit. Which can also explain why the government wants so much control over a woman’s body and to ban abortion. But that’s for another blog.

There is so much more to life than working for the man or just work in general. Many issues we face are man made and the systems put in place are indeed reversible. But because we believe we are powerless we become victims of learned helplessness.

How do we demand a better life? And don’t say “working hard” because they lied about that too.

This very well may go over some heads but silence is compliance. When we turn a blind eye to bullshit, we reinforce and enable it to continue.

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